Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Weird Dream

I had this weird dream last night where I was telling Ronnie James Dio that while I liked him as a person, I really didn't like Dio all that much. I think he gently shamed me into looking for a copy "Dio's Greatest Hits" (which I don't think even exists) at Wazoo Used Records in Ann Arbor. Which, incidentally, had been turned into some kind of weird Pottery Barn open-air flea market. I actually had the record in my hand, but the crush of people in layered tank tops and designer flip-flops moved me away from my 25 cent prize. Then I woke up.

Holy diver, I gotta stop listening to at work like six hours a day. I've been gone too long at the bottom of the sea.

Monday, April 24, 2006


I actually try to post something I wrote ages ago, and Blogger keeps spitting it back up like a baby expressing its displeasure at strained peas. Phooey.

Mario: Bare Simmer

This was something I wrote about two month ago and didn't post. Don't know why - it's pretty good. And knowing Food Network, they'll rerun this about ninety times in the next few months.

I was sucked into watching Mario: FULL BOIL last night on the Food Network, and frankly, unless you want to watch an ad for his food/cookware line, decide that you will eat at every one of his restaurants once Powerball comes through for you, or see some really nice tile being laid, skip it.

Taking elements of the genius Boiling Point with egomaniac Gordon Ramsay, Mark Burnett's flawed The Restaurant, and Fine Living's always entertainingly hectic Opening Soon, we get shots of Mario zipping along on his scooter, visiting schools, yelling at plumbers, tasting new desserts for his new haute cuisine Italian restaurant. Oh, rush, rush, rush a book signing. Hi-ho, hi-ho, gotta adjust the seasoning in his new take and bake pizza line.

But where is the angst? Batali is a head chef, and an exacting perfectionist. Surely someone's going to fuck up, and we're going to see the jolly old chef lose it - just a little. Nope, thanks to the magic of spin control and good editing, he just slides from one catastrophe to another.

About the only struggle we get is poor partner Joe Bastanich looking like his head is going to cave in from the pressure. He's the one who gets to sweep up the debris from Mario's jetsetting. And he looks none too excited about it. I wouldn't be either. Pass on this one.